Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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