I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
