I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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