these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
