i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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