Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
