good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
