im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
