help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
