we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
