Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
