well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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