official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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