I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
