Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?

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(843): View more from South Carolina

so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger

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(847): View more from Illinois

I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna

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(513): View more from Ohio

i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"

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(519): View more from Ontario

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.

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(716): View more from New York

I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day

(1-716): View more from New York

Eh. They balance each other out

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(512): View more from Texas

Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.

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(492): View more from

Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?

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(972): View more from Texas

What the fuck dude?

(214): View more from Texas

Sorry bro...

(972): View more from Texas

YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"

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