Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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