What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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