I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
