masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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