So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
