I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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