i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
