pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
