Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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