Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we have officially lost it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
