don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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