too bad you live with your parents still
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
