they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
