I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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