I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
