i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
