Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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