Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
