let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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