Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
