I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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