There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
