Michael Bay diarrhea
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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