3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
