You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
