im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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