I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize