ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
