Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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