Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
BRING THE BAGELS
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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