It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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