You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize