you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
