I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
