everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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