Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
