I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
