I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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