Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
