strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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