also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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