can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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