I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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