You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I deserve this hangover.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
