I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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