omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
