bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
