Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
