next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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