Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Randomize
