first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
