Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
only you would photoshop your dick
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Randomize
