I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize