Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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