I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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