i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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