so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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