im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
