I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
