This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
