well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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