9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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