I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
