Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
40s are totally the cure
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
